Ouch — best jokes

- I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week.

- Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

Why do you want to be buried at sea?
→ Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

Did you hear about the undertaker who buried someone in the wrong place and was sacked for the grave mistake?

Did you hear about the do-it-yourself funeral?
→ They just loosen the earth and you sink down by yourself.

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
→ Because he was a car-case.

- Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup.

- Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

- Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down.

- I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
→ Dead.

Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time?
→ It was a dead heat.

Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary?
→ It was a dead end job.