Ouch — best jokes

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
→ Because he was dead!

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
→ Rust in peace!

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
→ Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!

What is posthumous work?
→ Something written by someone after they are dead!

What did the little kid do with the dead battery?
→ He buried it.

What is the last thing you eat before you die?
→ You bite the dust.

- I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare.

- William Shakespeare's dead, silly.

- No wonder he hasn't replied.

- Vampire 1: I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died.

- Vampire 2: How awful!

- Vampire 1: Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time.

If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she?
→ Dead.

A monster and a zombie went into a funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly ma'am,' said the undertaker, 'but there was really no need to bring her with you.'