Medicine — best jokes

An American, a Jew and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes.

Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Jew and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So, of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Jew was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his!"

What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by swallowing 100 pain killers?
→ After two he began to feel better.

- Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly?
→ Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.

What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
→ Saturday Night Fever.

- Doctor, Doctor, you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well.

- That's quite enough out of you!

How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.

What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
→ One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

- Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.

- Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help?

- Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."