Kids Jokes — best jokes

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

- Knock, knock!

- Who's there?

- George Washington!

- George Washington who?

- George Washington who? Didn't you learn anything in history class?

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty !" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?", but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The Teacher fainted.

When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me!

10 Signs Your Amish Teen's In Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.
11. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
12. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
13. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
14. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
15. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to disco!."
16. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
17. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
18. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
19. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything! (Charlie Viracola)

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.

- Father, Can I ask you a question?

- Ok ask.

- When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.

- !!!??????!!!

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son."

Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

- Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

- Mum: Well, you have done the right thing.

- Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.