Dumb Jokes — best jokes

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

• She called me to get my phone number.
• She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
• She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
• She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
• She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
• She tried to drown a fish.
• She thought a quarterback was a refund.
• She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
• She tripped over a cordless phone.
• She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
• She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
• She studied for a blood test.
• She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
• When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
• When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
• When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

- How did this happen? the emergency room doctor asked her.

- Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

- What? sputtered the doctor. You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?

- No, Silly! the blonde said. First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.

- And then?

- Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.

- And then?

- Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.

Did you hear about the blonde that...

• Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
• Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years".
• Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
• When asked what the capital of California was answered "C".
• Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
• After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel.

- I hear sirens. Jump! said the first one.

- But we're on the 13th floor! said the second one.

- This is no time to be superstitious, the first one screamed back.

Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
→ He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called "How to Hug", only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said, "I would like a cheeseburger."

The librarian replied, "Shh! This is a library!"

The blonde blushed. "oh, sorry.." then she whispered, "I would like a cheeseburger."

Why can't the blonde put in a light bulb?
→ She kept breaking them with the hammer.

A blonde wanted to sell her old car, but nobody wished to buy a car with 250,000 miles on it. So, she tells her brunette girlfriend at the salon about her problem, and the brunette suggests she take the car to a mechanic friend of hers, who will turn the meter back by 200,000 miles. The blonde thinks this is a sound suggestion and does so.

About a month later, the brunette sees her blonde girlfriend in a store and says, "Did you ever sell your car?"

"No," says the blonde. "Why should I? It's only got 50,000 miles on it."