Dumb Jokes — best jokes

State of Arkansas Residency Application

Name: ................ (last)
( ) Billy-Bob
( ) Billy-Joe
( ) Billy-Ray
( ) Billy-Sue
( ) Billy-Mae
( ) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)

Age: ....
Sex: .... M ..... F ..... N/A
Shoe Size: .... Left .... Right

Occupation:
( ) Farmer
( ) Mechanic
( ) Hair Dresser
( ) Un-employed

Spouse's Name:
Relationship with spouse:
( ) Sister
( ) Brother
( ) Aunt
( ) Uncle
( ) Cousin
( ) Mother
( ) Father
( ) Son
( ) Daughter
( ) Pet

Number of children living in household: ...
Number that are yours: ...
Mother's Name:
Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you ( )own or ( )rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

... Total number of vehicles you own
... Number of vehicles that still crank
... Number of vehicles in front yard
... Number of vehicles in back yard
... Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
.... truck
.... bedroom
.... bathroom
.... kitchen
.... shed

Model and year of your pickup: ............. 194_
Do you have a gun rack? ( ) Yes ( ) No; please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
( ) The National Enquirer
( ) The Globe
( ) TV Guide
( ) Soap Opera Digest
( ) Rifle and Shotgun

... Number of times you've seen a UFO
... Number of times you've seen Elvis
... Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
( )Weekly
( )Monthly
( )Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
( )Yellow
( )Brownish-Yellow
( )Brown
( )Black
( )N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
( )Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
( )1 mile
( )2 miles
( )don't know

You're so dumb, you stare at an orange juice can just because it says concentrate.

It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ...

"Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!"

"Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you."

So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground.

"T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers.

"Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!"

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway
"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse
"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio
"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer
"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio
"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.
"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)
"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal