Dumb Jokes — best jokes

Why are dumb blonde jokes only one liners?
→ So men can understand them!

You're so stupid that when police tell you that you broke the speed limit, you offer to fix it.

You are so stupid that you flunked special-ed

He's so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat.
He's never slept with his wife. He says it isn't honorable to sleep with a married woman.
He's so dumb, he thinks the English Channel is a British T.V. station.
He's so dumb, he thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope.
He lost his dog, but he won't put an ad in the newspaper. He says it's no use -- his dog can't read.
He still hasn't bought an electric toothbrush. He doesn't know if his teeth are AC or DC.
He jumped off the bus backwards when he heard someone say, "Let's grab his seat when he gets off."
He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes. He said, "What a glutton for punishment, that guy!"

He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light.
He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap.
There are times he has something on his mind -- he wears a hat occasionally.
His neck reminds you of a typewriter -- Underwood.
The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains.
If you want the real dope about anything, go to the real dope -- HIM!
He bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister.
A traffic judge asked him, "Have you ever been up before me?" And he said, "I don't know, what time do you get up?"
Once he saw an old woman fall down, but didn't help her up. His mother warned him against having anything to do with fallen women.
He's never bought Christmas seals -- says he wouldn't know what to feed them.
He carried a double-barreled gun to the ball game, because he heard the Lions were playing the Tigers.
He called it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that every fifth child born is Chinese!
He won't let his daughter go to college because he heard that the students have to show their professors their thesis.
The first time he heard about the Boston Tea Party, he asked who the caterer was.
When a beggar asked him, "Do you have a quarter for a sandwich?" he said "Let's see the sandwich."

He has one of those mighty minds -- mighty empty. He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light.

He should study to be a bone specialist -- he has the head for it.

He says he has a mind of his own. He's welcome to it-- who else would want it?

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"