Celebrities — best jokes

- Fan: I've always admired you. Are your teeth your own?

- Actor: Whose do you think they are?

How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement.
"How'd the meeting go?" asks the first guy.

"It went great," says his buddy. "Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million."

"Fabulous," says the guy by the pool.

"There's just one catch," his partner warns.

"What's the catch?"

"We have to put up ten thousand in cash".

What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
→ Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
→ It got angry and bit at the champ!

How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow?
→ By the wise look in the eyes.

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks.

Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."

Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks.

Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."