A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?" The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?" The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
Do you know the problem with lawyer jokes?
→ Lawyers don't think they're funny, and the rest of us don't think they're jokes!
Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
→ To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead.
- Damn - he says. I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.
His partner replies:
- What are you worried about? We're both here.
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.
The judge said:
- State your name, occupation, and the charge.
The defendant said:
- I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery.
The judge winced and said:
- Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, "When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same way."
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do ya see me fucking the guy in front of me?"
