This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks:
- Whats a failic symbol?
Doctor says:
- You're kidding..
Girl says:
- No! I don't know! Whats a failic symbol???
Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says:
- You see? This is a failic symbol!
Girl says:
- Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller
A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are.
- Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life - he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.
She tells this to her mother, who replies:
- Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?
Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked:
- Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?
She responded:
- Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked:
- Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?
She replied:
- Why yes, I do. I 've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him.
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said:
- If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt.
Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudice. "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin." "Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
→ The bucket.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
→ Professional courtesy.
Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?
→ The cats keep covering them up with sand!
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There's no sign of the offending vehicle, but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. "Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."
What do you call an honest lawyer?
→ An oxymoron.
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
→ Perfect setup for skeet shooting.
