Best jokes

A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said:

- I was being the ring bear.

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?
→ Because their daddies were mummies.

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

- Davy, what noise does a cow make?

- It goes moo.

- Alice, what noise does a cat make?

- It goes meow.

- Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?

- It goes baaa.

- Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?

- Errr.., it goes.. click!

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

- Mother: What does the cow say?

- Child: Moo!

- Mother: Great! What does the cat say?

- Child: Meow.

- Mother: Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied:

- Bud.

Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
→ To a mewseum.

When is a bad time to cross a black cat?
→ When you are a mouse!

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked:

- Whatcha doing, Tim?

- My goldfish died - replied the boy tearfully, without looking up.

- And I've just buried him.

The neighbor was concerned:

- That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied:

- That's because he's inside your cat.

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man:

- I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!

The man replied:

- Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station:

- Fill it up, will you?

The man says:

- Sorry - we're right out of petrol.

So the man considers, and says:

- Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?

And the attendant responds:

- Sorry, but no oil either.

The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant:

- Just what kind of petrol station is this?

The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man:

- To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front.

The man then says:

- Well, in that case, you can blow up the tyres!

One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into the driveway the girl asked her mother "Why dont these people have electricity?" Very confused the mother said, "Wut are u talking about?" The girl quickly replied, "Well, the sign back there said NO OUTLET!"