Best jokes

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him:

- Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.

- What did it say on the banners? - Clinton asks.

Saddam replies:

- Allah is god, god is Allah.

Clinton says:

- You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.

- What could you see on the banners? - Saddam asks.

Clinton replies:

- I don't know. I can't read Hebrew.

What is the difference between Dan Quayle, Bill Clinton and Jane Fonda?
→ Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?
→ The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase.

How does Bill Clinton say "I'm about to hurt you"?
→ "Trust me."

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
→ A pineapple!

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
→ Because a little water ends both of them!

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
→ Thanks, I'll never part with it!

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
→ They both drop their needles!

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
→ Jungle Bells, Jungle bells..

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply:

- I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say:

- I'm Janey Sugarbrown.

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said:

- Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?

With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied:

- I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not.