Women Jokes — worst jokes

How is a woman like a condom?
→ Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
→ Straight through the rib cage.

Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?
→ To smell like big girls.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
→ Lipstick.

Why did the woman with P.M.S. cross the road?
→ She just did, alright!!

Why do women have arms?
→ Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?

The Makers of Viagra are announcing that they have developed a pill to increase lubrication in females. The pill will be called Niagra.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
→ Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington. "For gods sake!" he screamed, "Someone could have attacked you and raped you!"

"I wasn't ever in no danger at all", she said, trying to calm him down. "As soon as someone gave me a ride, I said I was going to Washington, because thats where they have the best treatment for sexually transmitted diseases."