Women Jokes — worst jokes

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic?
→ Snap-on tools!

What's the difference between a whale and a dyke?
→ Oh, about ten pounds, and a plaid shirt.

Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don't have to swalow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.

What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for?
→ For flossing after eating.

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."

It was the age when knighthood was in flower.

A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked, "What are you doing?"

The first one answered, "I'm making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!"

A lady golfer is stung by a wasp.

She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him.

"I've been stung by a wasp" she says.
"Where did it get you?" he replies.
"Between the 1st and 2nd hole."

"I think your stance must be a little too wide."

How do you pick up TWA flight attendants?
→ With a fishing pole!

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said "Implants?"