Women Jokes — worst jokes

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.

The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:

"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"

One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies.

They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?
→ Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done?
→ At the ugly parlour.

What do young female monsters do at parties?
→ They go around looking for edible bachelors!

- Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?

- No! Tell me about it.

- It smells of $50 dollar bills.

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
→ They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.

It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.

In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army.

"But, wait a minute," said one listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?"

"Sure," replied the man.

"Well, won't they find out?" asked his friend.

The man shrugged and replied, "But who will tell?"