Random joke from this category
Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.
- Do you wash? - the doctor asked the smelly young girl.
- Oh, yes - Mary answered.
- Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and I wash up as far as possible.
- Well - the doctor concluded.
- Go home and wash 'possible'!!!
Whats the most embrassing thing for a cheerleader?
→ When she does the splits and 8 class rings fall out!
A woman goes to the doctor's and says:
- Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me. Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!
The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.
A week later the woman returns and says:
- Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse! Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out!! What's wrong with me?
Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week. Another week passes and the woman returns and yells:
- Doctor, Doctor, I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom, HALF-DOLLARS come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!
The doctor says:
- Relax, Relax,... you're just going through your change!
Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
- INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
- GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
- INTERVIEWER: Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
- GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
- INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
- GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
- INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
- GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself."
The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?"
God says, "Ah, yes."
"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on."
God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.
"It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours!"
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him:
- What is wrong with you?
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said:
- This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God:
- What will a woman like this cost?
God replied:
- An arm and a leg.
Then Adam asked:
- What can I get for a rib?
The rest is history...
What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
→ A whore sleeps with everyone at the party.
A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
What is black, blue, red, and brown?
→ A Brewnette that has told to many Blonde Joke.
What does a brewnette always miss at a great party?
→ The invitation.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
→ So that brewnettes can understand them.
What is a fine lookin' man with a brewnette?
→ A hostage.
Instructions for the guys:
Instructions for the Gals:
One day a woman went to her pastor and asked:
- Pastor there are some things in life that aren't addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them.
The Pastor responded:
- There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about.
The woman responded:
- PMS is not in the Bible. So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.
The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.
The Pastor replied:
- Yes, it's the part where Mary rides Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!.
