Women Jokes — worst jokes

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a headcovering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.

"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church!" he insists.

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice. "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"

"Why reverend." the young thing replied. "All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."

"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!"

"Of course not reverend." she said. "Your not plugged in yet."

Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?", they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.

"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.

"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."

"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... my room key."

Damn...did you see the size of that front tooth gap she had? Yeah...

I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a field goal!

WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN HERE!

(you have to bring your own)

Did you hear about the woman who has five legs?
→ Her knickers fit her like a glove!

When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget?
→ When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells.

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap.

While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book."

The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"

Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."

The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."

To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment!"

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her. When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . ."

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!