Sex Jokes — worst jokes

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

"First," said the playboy, "I'm going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose."

"Oh no you're not," said the girl.

"Then I'll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks."

"Oh no you're not."

"Then I'll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks."

"Oh no you're not."

"Then I'm going to make violent, passionate love to you."

"Oh no you're not."

"And I'm not going to wear a condom either!" said the guy.

"Oh yes you are!" said the girl.

What's the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?
→ Let everyone go first!

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he's just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"

"There are three colors," he explains, "gold, silver and bronze."

"So what color are you gonna wear tonight?" she asks with a grin.

"Gold of course," says the proud man.

The wife responds, "Why don't you wear silver -- it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

When is premature ejaculation a serious problem?
→ When it occurs between "hello" and "what's your sign?"

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.

Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"

Grandpa replies, "Nope."

Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"

Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am!!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy's car in the girl's driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into his pants and placed his cock in her hand.

She froze, jumped up and said, "I've got two words for you, DROP DEAD!"

Then he said, "I've got two words for you, LET GO!".

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc., and finally gets around to their sex lives. Sue says, "It's OK. We get it on every week or so, but it's no big adventure; how's yours?" Sally replies, "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast. "Really, Sally, I never would have quessed that you would go for that!!" "Oh, sure," says Sally, "He Snores while I Masturbate."

A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some.

"How hard is it?" she asks.

"About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some!"