Random joke from this category
Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.
- How'd you get a cork in your ass?
- I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Tonto, Indian Genie. I can grant-um you one wish." And I said, "No shit."
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."
A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks, "What are you doing?" Indian says, "Me tellum time." Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says, "You telling time?" "Yup." "How can you tell time like that?" Indian says, "Workum like sundial, readum shadow." Cowboy, incredulous, rides on. Encounters Indian in trail masturbating. Cowboy says, "Let me guess, you're telling time too." Indian says, "Nope. But me windum clock!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. "How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger. "Face sticky."
A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one afternoon by hostile Indians. This presents no problem for the horse as the Indians can always use another pony. The dog's fate is some what tenuous but it is certain that the cowboy will be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That evening the Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can have one last wish, within reason, before meeting his ultimate fate the following morning. The cowboy tells the chief that his last request is to see his faithful dog, Rex. When the dog is brought by the Indians the cowboy strokes and pets his companion and whispers something into his ear. At once the dog bounds and runs through the Indian village and over the hill. This does not particularly distress the Indians as they didn't really know what to do with the dog anyway.
At about 8 o'clock that evening the dog returns accompanied by some two dozen hookers from the closest town. Needless to say the braves were delighted at the prospect of an evening's entertainment.
As the orgy wore on through the night, the chief told the cowboy that his stake burning was being postponed as they were all too tired from partying.
The next day, the chief said to the cowboy, "in gratitude for furnishing the ladies last night, I'm going to grant you another request before you are burned at the stake in the morning." Again the cowboy requests to see his faithful dog. When the dog is brought forth the cowboy again strokes and pets his companion and whispers into his ear, "this may be my last chance Rex, so please get it right this time --- go to town and get the posse!"
Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch.
- Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?
- Indian: Dog no talk.
- Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going?
- Dog: Doin alright.
- Indian: [extreme look of shock]
- Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]
- Dog: Yep
- Cowboy: How's he treat you?
- Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.
- Indian: [look of disbelief]
- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?
- Indian: Horse no talk.
- Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?
- Horse: Cool.
- Indian: [extremer look of shock]
- Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]
- Horse: Yep
- Cowboy: How's he treat you?
- Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.
- Indian: [total look of amazement]
- Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?
- Indian: Sheep Lie!!
A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint, "You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?"
Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Clint.
The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."
The second day, the chief says, "What your wish today?"
Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."
The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse.
Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back away in the direction from which they had come and they realise, they were surrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto, my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times together but now I think we are doomed."
"We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"
A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn't you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.
"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the Indians"
There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.
- The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?"
- The Indian replied, "Many moons."
