Mom/Dad Jokes — worst jokes

Exasperated dragon on the field of battle:
"Mother said there would be knights like this."

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
→ For smoking in bed.

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"

So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.

"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."

And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."

Why was the little bear so spoiled?
→ Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!

Mummy Vampire: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails?
→ He cut all his fingers off!

- Mother: Why was the phone busy all night?

- Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

"Mah son's real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. "He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"What's his name?" asked the friend.

"Bob."

"I gotta 'A' in spelling," Tony told his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in 'spelling'!"