Mom/Dad Jokes — worst jokes

What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
→ "Just flush it like everybody else does."

- Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

- No, dear, what?

- A nice teapot.

- But I've got a nice teapot.

- No you haven't. I've just dropped it.

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday.

- How lovely!

- Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."

- That's right.

- Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.

- Well, today is his birthday.

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
→ He wasn't what he was cracked up to be!

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.

'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!'

- Mother: Did you make your bed today?

- Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

- You can't have any more chocolates tonight. It's not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.

- Oh, Mum. I promise I'll lay on my side.

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear.
'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, 'it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.'
'OK,' said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch?'