Men Jokes — worst jokes

"Before I married my wife," a husband once said, "it was nothing but wine, women, and song.

Now that I'm her husband, it's beer, mama, and TV."

A male chauvinist tells his buddy over drinks, "I called the local insane asylum yesterday to check on who has escaped from there recently."

His buddy asks, "Oh? Why do you wonder about that?"

To which he replies, "Well, somebody ran off with my wife this week!"

Anniversaries and birthdays
Complicate my life.
I'm an absent-minded husband
Of a present-minded wife.

One of the reasons that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce is that those men who promised that they'd die for their woman just don't come through.

How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Let the bitch do it by herself. or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
→ Nobody knows. It has never happened.

How are a husband and a cat similar when it comes to housework?
→ They're both afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
→ Because they don't have feelings.

How do you get a man to leave when you want?
→ Ask him about his feelings.

What's the easiest way for a wife to cause hearing loss in her husband?
→ Say she wants to talk to him.