Marriage Jokes — worst jokes

- She was two thirds married once.

- What do you mean?

- Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up, but the groom didn't!

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?
→ She wanted a big wedding.

Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day?
→ Because she never marries the best man.

Marriage is a three-ring circus:

Engagement ring...

Wedding ring...

Suffering!!!

- Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years.

- Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part.

A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge.
"Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife."

- Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

- Really?

- Yes, I've been married twenty-five times!

Two men were remembering their wedding days. "It was dreadful," said Fred. "I got the most terrible fright."

"What happened?" asked Harry.
"I married her," replied Fred.

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
→ They toasted the bride and groom.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
→ One less drunk.