Language Jokes — worst jokes

When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
→ Rust in peace!

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
→ Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!

What is posthumous work?
→ Something written by someone after they are dead!

What is the last thing you eat before you die?
→ You bite the dust.

- Vampire 1: I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died.

- Vampire 2: How awful!

- Vampire 1: Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time.

A monster and a zombie went into a funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly ma'am,' said the undertaker, 'but there was really no need to bring her with you.'

How do you make a Venetian blind?
→ Poke him in the eye

What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
→ Surgical spirits.

- Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!

- Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through.

A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died," said the monster. "Certainly, sir," said the undertaker, "but there was really no need to bring him with you."