Language Jokes — worst jokes

Where do children learn their ABC's?
→ At LMN-tary school!

- Teacher: The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it?

- Pupil: My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks!

- Teacher: Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it.

- Pupil: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail!

- Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word lettuce!

- Pupil: Let us out of school early!

- Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn't use so often. One is "great" and the other is "lousy."

- Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?

- Teacher: What is the outside of a tree called?

- Sam: I don't know.

- Teacher: Bark, Sam, bark.

- Sam: Bow, wow, wow!

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

- Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name?

- Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

- Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.

- Pupil: My dad won't like that.

- Teacher: Why is that?

- Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

- Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated?

- Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!

- Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland!

- Pupil: A reindeer

- Teacher: Good, now name another.

- Class: Another reindeer!