Camping Jokes — worst jokes

- Camper: Look at that bunch of cows.

- Farmer: Not bunch, herd.

- Camper: Heard what?

- Farmer: Of cows.

- Camper: Sure I've heard of cows.

- Farmer: No, I mean a cowherd.

- Camper: So what? I have no secrets from cows!

There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott. They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop for the night. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a nice clear, wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothing interesting around, only trees. They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area, right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to stay there because there was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars could help to put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500 meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them. SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, and stepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep right smack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wanted to look at all the different liscence plates, as they drove by. Joe and Rich were so upset, because, obviously, that was the LAST place that they wanted to sleep in! But, they were too tired to argue, so they set up their tent in the middle of the highway and went to sleep. They slept soundly through the night, but were awaked a couple of times by the sound of cars beeping, and crashing. The next morning, they awoke early, and noticed a huge pileup of cars right off the highway, in the spot they had earlier chosen. Feeling proud, Scott said: "See, guys? Imagine what would of happened if we slept there last night!"

Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.

"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it 'round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are broke."

Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger replied, "YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!"

"I see millions of stars," Watson said. "What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.

Watson replied. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

"Watson, you idiot," he said. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout.

Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out.

They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would.

About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought."

Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."

Ron and James had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Ron had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. James agreed.

So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Ron says "I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring... it was so wonderful."

James said "Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day."

Ron was so jealous "Your day was so much better than mine... did you get a blow job?"

"Nope" James replied, "I couldn't find her head!"

TOP 10 REASONS FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX...

10. LASTS FROM DAWN TILL DUSK
11. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SECRET HOLE
12. ALLOWED SEVERAL FISH DAILY
13. CAN CHOOSE THE LENGTH OF YOUR ROD
14. CAN FISH ANY TIME OF THE MONTH
15. YOU CLEAN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT
16. ABLE TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU FISH
17. THE COST OF BAIT IS CHEAPER THAN A DATE
18. YOU CAN ALWAYS THROW IT BACK
19. YOUR FAVORITE CATCH CAN BE MOUNTED ON THE WALL

Here I am at Camp Grenada. Camp is very entertaining, and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining. I went hiking with Joe Spivy. He developed poison ivy. You remember Leonard Skinner; he got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors, hate the waiters, and the lake has alligators. And the head coach was no sissy, so he reads to us from something called Ulysses. Now I don't want this to scare ya. But my bunkmate has malaria. You remember Jeffrey Hardy... They're about to organize a search party.

Take me home, oh mother, father. Take me home, I hate Grenada. Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear. Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with other boys. Oh please, don't make me stay! I've been here one whole day.

Dearest father, darling mother, how's my precious little brother? Let me come home if you miss me. I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me...

Wait a minute... It stopped raining! Guys are biking. Guys are sailing, playing baseball... Gee, that's better!

Mother, father, kindly disregard this letter!

Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:

• Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
• Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness.
• Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals.
• All the mile markers are missing this year.
• Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse.
• Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
• Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
• Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
• Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
• The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
• A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call __ __ __.
• Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
• Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
• Need more signs to keep area pristine.
• A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead.
• The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
• I brought lots of sandwich makings, but forgot bread. If you have extra bread, leave it in the yellow tent at V Lake.
• Too many rocks in the mountains.

Two guys decide to go on a hunting trip. When there friend hears about it, he begges to go. The two men are skeptical, because every time there friend goes, he scares away all the game. The friend promises that if he is allowed to go, he will stay at the camp site, because he likes to camp more than hunt. They agree and they start on their trip.

Once camp is set up, the two men decide to go hunt, and their friend stays behind. After several hours they finally spot a ten point buck, but a shrill scream scares the buck away. The two men run back to camp, only to find their friend standing there looking up into the trees.

"What's wrong?" They asked. "Yeah, you scared off our game."

"I'm sorry, fellas. I didn't screm when the snake fell out of the tree and wrapped aound my neck. I didn't yell when the bear came out of the woods and mauled me nearly to death. But those SQUIRELS..."

What had happened to the poor man was that two squirels had climbed up his pants leg. The first squirel asked the second, "Do we eat them NOW, or do we take them HOME?"