Animal Jokes — worst jokes

A blonde named Vikki decides she wants to try horseback riding one day. So Vikki mounts the horse, taps its butt, and the horse starts to take off at a reasonable speed. She is having fun, and decides she wants to go a little faster, so she kicks the horses butt, and the horse goes just a little faster. All of a sudden Vikki begins to lose her grip on the reigns of the horse and she begins to fall off, she starts screaming but the horse seemingly unoticing its rider continues... Now Vikki is grabbing on the horses mane when she beigns to feel tired and her grip starts to fail. The blond lets go of the horses mane, only to get her foot caught in the saddle. So now she is riding along, the horse unnoticing and Vikki's head is beating against the ground over, and over, and over. She almost loses conscience when the Wal-Mart manager runs out and turns off the horse.

Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?

She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Getting anything done around here is like mating elephants.

It's done on a very high level.

There's a lot of stomping and screaming involved.

And it takes two years to get any results.

The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?
→ Diarrhoea!

Why don't oysters give to charity?
→ Because they're shellfish.

An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxidermist.

"So you want them mounted?" asked the taxidermist.

To which she replied: "No. Holding hands will do just fine."

How do you catch an elephant?
→ First you dig a big hole, and fill it with wood and ash. Then you take a load of peas and line them up around the hole. Then, when the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole!

What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?
→ The Elephants foreskin.

A double whammy:

Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?
→ So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
→ A Monkey eating cherries.