Animal Jokes — worst jokes

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?
→ "Decafinated"

There was an old man in a bar who was staring at a punk in the corner. The punk had multicolored, spiked hair and multicolored feather earings.

After a while the punk got mad and said to the old man:

- What are you staring at?

- Back when I was in the army I got really drunk one night and fucked a parrot. I was wondering if you were my son.

A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone.

He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.

Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers.

He looks down, sees a snail there.

The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands:

- WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

Whats a lesbian dinosaur?
→ A lickalotofpuss !

Whats a gay dinosaur?
→ A lickdicknopuss !

A frog walks into his local bank and walks up to the counter.

- I would like a loan of £30,000 please. - he asks the clerk, whose name is Patrick Whack.

- Thirty thousand pounds? That's a lot of money, you know. - says Paddy:

- You'll need a collateral for that amount of money.

- That's okay - says the frog:

- I have this.

And he pulls out of his pocket a tiny pink ceramic elephant.

- What's this? I can't accept this as collateral.

- Don't worry - says the frog:

- I know the manager, he's a good friend of mine. Tell him his friend Kermit Jagger is here.

Paddy gets up from his chair and goes to the manager's office, taking the little pink elephant with him. He shows it to the manager and says:

- There's a frog out there says he knows you, his name is Kermit Jagger. He want to borrow £30,000... he gave this as collateral... what on earth is it?

The manager takes the little elephant, studies it for a second and says:

- It's a nick-nack Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.

How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ??
→ She through it out of the window !!

- Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther?

- Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...

- Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do?

- Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man was out driving in his car when all of a sudden a rooster ran out in front of his car, he tried to miss it but unfortunately he ran over the rooster & killed it.

He decided that he should go & tell the farmer, so he got out of his car & walked across the road to the farm, walked up to the front door & knocked, the farmer came to the door & the man said:

- I'm afraid I've killed your rooster, please let me replace him.

The farmer said:

- Help yourself, the hens are out in the back.

Daffynition: Hummingbird - A bird who forgot the lines to a song!

Why are felines the best ever animals?
→ Because they're purrrrrrrfect and grrrrrreat!