Science — most viewed jokes

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked

What do you call an alien surfing the Internet?
→ e-t.

These three scientists decided to go fishing one day. So they packed up all of their gear and headed down to the lake.

They were having terrible luck, they weren't catching a thing. But all the sudden, one of the scientists feels a pull at his line. He shouts out, "I got something, I got something!"

So he reels his catch in and much to his surprise, it's a Mermaid. She tells the scientists, "If you let me go, I will grant you each one wish." Well they think that's a pretty good deal, so they agree.

The first scientist, the one who caught the Mermaid, tells her, "I want you to double my IQ." The Mermaid says, no problem. Snaps her fingers, and suddenly he's solving all of these problems they had been working on for months.

So the next scientist thinks that's pretty neat, so he tells the Mermaid, "I want you to tripple my IQ." So the Mermaid says, "No problem." snaps her fingers once again, and now this scientist is finding cures for AIDS and Cancer.

So the last scientist is really excited about all of this. He tells the Mermaid, "I want you to quadruple my IQ."

The Mermaid looks at him and says, "Are you sure about this? I'm not so sure you want to do that." But the scientist is stubborn and tells her, "You granted the other guys wishes, now grant mine or we're not letting you go."

So the Mermaid sighs and says, "Whatever you want."

She snaps her fingers and the scientist turned into a woman.

How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
→ Pull down their genes!

- The brain is a wonderful thing

- Why do you say that?

- Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer.

What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
→ Benjamin Frankenstein

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded...

"Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

- Teacher: What is the formula for water?

- George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O

- Teacher: Is that the formula I gave you?

- George: Sure, you said H to O!

- Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters?

- Pupil: Stop taking baths?