Random joke from this category
Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time...
"Class," said he, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things.... What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one, but it takes eight million years.
Science definitions from Kids...
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is that it is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the Moon, because there is no water in the Moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Equator: a managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: to become a naturalized German.
Liter: a nest of young puppies.
Magnet: something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
Planet: a body of earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For a head cold, use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster?
→ He became an ex-Ray.
What's delaying the hillbilly space program?
→ Development of a working match.
Who invented the telephone?
→ The Phoenicians (phone-itions).
How are UFO's related to hamburgers?
→ Both are Unidentified Frying Objects!
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Simple...there was a piece of paper in his hand that said - 'put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."
How do you call a member of the financial staff of the faculty of Biology?
→ A Buy-ologist.
Bits of information to help you through the day:
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and smack the jerk upside the head.
