Science — most viewed jokes

A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in 1 hour to pick them up."
A week later he returned. "Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked.
"Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"No I didn't," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.

Why is the moon like a dollar?
→ It has four quarters.

What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink?
→ Gravi-tea!

Pig's explanation for the creation of the Universe:
The Pig Bang Theory.

What does the Star Trek Enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
→ They both circle around uranus searching for klingons!

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.

He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
→ They trod on his corn.

From Matt Groening's very funny "Big Book Of Hell", here are some philosophical theories shared by youngsters:

If you eat a bunch of fizzies (i.e. pop-rocks or the like) when you drink a glass of water, you will explode.

Dogs and bees can smell fear.

Nothing's impossible. Not even a little baby counting all the grains of sand in the whole world in a fraction of a second.

If you throw a penny off the top of the Empire State Building, it will go a foot into the sidewalk.

There's a place in France where the ladies wear no pants.

If you cut open a golfball, the radioactive juice inside will blow up.

Rain is just God peeing on you.

If you die in your dream, you will die.

Adults are really Martians, and they're up to no good.