School — most viewed jokes

- How did you do in your tests?

- I did what George Washington did!

- What was that?

- Went down in history!

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
→ Because there were so many knights!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
→ He couldn't control his pupils!

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

What are pupils at ghost schools called?
→ Ghoulboys and ghoulgirls.

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever."

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted, "hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________."

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?"

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm."

"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"

"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

• You consider McDonald's "real food."
• You actually like doing laundry at home.
• 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.
• It starts getting late on the weeknights.
• Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
• You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it.
• You'd rather clean than study.
• Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
• Computer Solitaire is more than a game, it's a way of life.
• You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
• You know the pizza boy by name.
• You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
• You live for getting mail. (E-mail included)
• Prank phone calls become funny again.
• Wal-Mart is the coolest store.
• World War III could take place and you'd be clueless.
• You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
• Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
• Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
• You find out milk crates have so many uses.
• The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday (or Wednesday morning to Tuesday night).

- Why do you think your report should be on the net?

- Because my marks are all 'E's.