School — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?

- Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "It's because yer feet ain't empty."

- Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.

- Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!

- Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.

- So what's so great about that?

- It's snowing outside!

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

- Teacher: The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it?

- Pupil: My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks!

- How are you doing in arithmetic?

- I've learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers!"

- Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last year.

- Jaspar: Why was that?

- Caspar: She couldn't afford a dog.