School — most viewed jokes

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

- First Pupil: I visited my Nana.

- Teacher: Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother.

- Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo.

- Teacher: Please, you had a ride on a train.

- Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time.

- Teacher: Excellent. And what was the name of the book?

- Third Pupil, with a big grin: Winnie The Shit!

A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.

The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL??"

- Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?

- Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines?
He drew 100 cats on the paper.
He thought the teacher had said lions.

Was the principal's brother really a missionary?
→ He certainly was. He gave the people of the Cannibal Islands their first taste of Christianity!

Neighbor 1: "Hi, there, new neighbor, it sure is a mighty nice day to be moving."

New Neighbor: "Yes, it is and people around here seem extremely friendly."

Neighbor 1: "So, what is it you do for a living?"

New Neighbor: "I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning."

Neighbor 1: "Deductive reasoning, what's that?"

New Neighbor: "Let me give you an example. I see you have a dog house out back. By that I deduce that you have a dog."

Neighbor 1: "That's right."

New Neighbor: "The fact that you have a dog, leads me to deduce that you have a family."

Neighbor 1: "Right again."

New Neighbor: "Since you have a famly, I deduce that you have a wife."

Neighbor 1: "Correct."

New Neighbor: "And since you have a wife, I can deduce that you are heterosexual."

Neighbor 1: "Yup."

New Neighbor: "That is deductive reasoning."

Neighbor 1: "Cool."

Later that same day:Neighbor 1: "Hey, I was talking to that new guy who moved in next door."

Neighbor 2: "Is he a nice guy?"

Neighbor 1: "Yes, and he has an interesting job."

Neighbor 2: "Oh, yeah, what does he do?"

Neighbor 1: "He is a professor of deductive reasoning at the University."

Neighbor 2: "Deductive reasoning, what is that?"

Neighbor 1: "Let me give you an example. Do you have a dog house?"

Neighbor 2: "No."

Neighbor 1: "Fag!"

- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?

- Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
→ It was a high school.

Little farmboy comes in late for school. Teacher asks why he's late. Farmboy replies that he had to take the family cow over to the neighbour's to get her bred by a bull.

Annoyed, teacher demands, "Can't your father do that?" Little farm boy thinks for a moment: replies, "Well, sure... but the bull can do it better."

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu".

The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.

Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu.

The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.

They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.