School — most viewed jokes

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

- Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it!

- Pupil: But then it will crack and we won't be able to use it at all.

- Student: Can I use the bathroom?

- Teacher: Okay but first say your ABC's.

- Students: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ

- Teacher: Where's the P?

- Student: Its running down my leg!

"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael?" she asked. "No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

- Teacher: What's this a picture of?

- Class: Don't know, Miss.

- Teacher: It's a kangaroo.

- Class: What's a kangaroo, miss?

- Teacher: A kangaroo is a native of Australia.

- Smallest boy: Wow, my sister's married one of them

Why do computer teachers never get sick?
→ Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked: "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered - "I guess you'd be eating alone!"

A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.

Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.

This is not believed to be a coincidence.

Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer?
→ Someone told him he was supposed to boot up the system.