Random joke from this category
President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out the first PITCH!"
Why are politicians like diapers?
→ Both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.
Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
→ The spread eagle.
What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
→ "Not according to Dad."
George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil," answers the President. "But sir, what about the mad cow?!!" asks the waiter. "Oh," answers Dubya, "she'll order for herself."
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie!"
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the past situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!" She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
Why does Clinton were underwear? To keep his ankles warm!
One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked. Abe replied, "Go to the theater."
Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."
Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...
Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...
Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...
Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...
Only in America... do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...
