Random joke from this category
Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.
"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "I don't know any of them."
"I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I know them all."
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, He'll have the fish," Hillary replies.
A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
- The receptionist: What are you, an idiot?
- Redneck: Why, is it required?
The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall while the jet was on a bombing run. The plane crashed into an empty field, creating a huge crater. Serbian search and rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving that NATO is using Albanian men, women and children terrorists to wage their war of terror from the sky.
At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.
They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.
As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.
Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.
She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."
George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
BUY YUGO WAR BONDS
For $25 US dollars you can invest in the future of a developing country just out of the clutches of communism.
What your $$$ buyz: Russian ammo for one freedom fighter for one month for the ethnic clensing!
Their motto: I wanns be like Ike! A little behind the times, BUT!
They model themselves after the US of A. They want to establish a land- first ridding themselves of undesireables (like the US did against the native inhabitants) Why not? What's good enough for US is good enuff for them!
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic??
→ It is known how many went down on the Titanic.
What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?
→ Kneel to the Chief!
