Ouch — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary?
→ It was a dead end job.

Why did the cowboy die with his boots on?
→ Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!

There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died.
What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket.

They put his left leg in....

Well, you know the rest.

"Come on, Steve," one guy said to another at the gym, "your wife is not as bad as you say. What would you do if you found another man in bed with her?"

"I'd break his white cane and shoot his dog."

What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres?
→ Surgical spirits.

Why do you want to be buried at sea?
→ Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

Did you hear about the do-it-yourself funeral?
→ They just loosen the earth and you sink down by yourself.

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
→ Because he was a car-case.

- Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup.

- Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

- Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!

- Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you through.