Ouch — most viewed jokes

What happened when the man asked the salesman for a good belt?
→ "O.K., you asked for it," the salesman said as he gave him a good belt.

What happened to the cannibal lion?
→ He had to swallow his pride!

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
→ Because they're headcases.

How do you kill a blonde?
→ Give them a gun an say it is a blow dryer

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse stumbles and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes and says, "That's one."

The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!"

He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shoots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"

- Patient: I'm really depressed.

- Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed.

- Patient: Nothing is going well.

- Therapist: Nothing well.

- Patient: I feel like killing myself.

- Therapist: You're thinking of killing yourself.

- Patient: Yes, I'm going to do it NOW.

- Therapist: You want to do it now.

- Patient: [Jumps out window.]

- Therapist: Woosh. Splat.

Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?
→ Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

Why won't cannibals eat Frank Sinatra?
→ Because he's always coming back!

- First cannibal: We had burglars last night.

- Second cannibal: Did they taste good?