Mom/Dad Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted?

- Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

- Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners.

- Son: But, Mum, I don't want three school dinners, one is more than enough!

Young lady to father:

- Daddy, when I grow up shall I become a heart-doctor or a tooth-doctor?

- Dentist.

- Why father?

- We have only one heart, but 32 teeth!

Eddie's father called up to him, 'Eddie, if you don't stop playing that trumpet I think I'll go crazy!'

Eddy replied, 'I think you are already, I stopped playing half an hour ago.'

- Mum: Jackie, go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper.

- Jackie: Wow, I'm only eight and I can read it

A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies

To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?
→ Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.

A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says:

- That's great honey! What kind of degree?

And the son, almost squealing with excitement, says:

- The best one ever, a Celsius degree!

- I told you not eat cake before supper.

- But, Mum, it's part of my homework. 'If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.

Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse", she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then says, "Johnny, please don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!"