Mom/Dad Jokes — most viewed jokes

- What's the matter, son?

- The boy next door said I look just like you.

- What did you say?

- Nothing, he's bigger than me!

'William, I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door,' said mum.

'Yes, but they're twins, so I wanted some way to tell them apart.'

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, 'Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My father's the one who dug the hole for it.'

Bill wasn't impressed. 'Well, that's nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My father's the one who killed it!'

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. 'What's wrong?' asked his mother.

"Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed.

'In a way they do,' said his mother.

"And when they die do they turn back to dust?"

'Yes, they do.'

The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going!"

John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video.

'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that?' asked his father suspiciously.

'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'

- Father: You've got 4 D's and a C on your report.

- Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject!"

- I had a funny dream last night, Mom.

- Did you?

- I dreamed I was awake, but when I woke up I found I was asleep.

- Why are you crying, Ted? asked his mum.

- Because my new sneakers hurt.

- That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.

- But they are the only feet I have.

Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. 'Oh you're so stupid!' shouted Dick.

'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.'

'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.'

- Father: What did you learn in school today?

- Son: That three and three are seven.

- Father: Three and three are six!

- Son: I guess I didn't learn anything today then!