Mom/Dad Jokes — most viewed jokes

- I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week.

- Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room. "How did you manage to do that?" he fumed.

"Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!"

- What sort of a car has your dad got?

- I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.

- Really - Ours only starts with gas.

Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in 30 minutes," so he sat down to wait for himself?

- Father: Don't you feel better now that you've gone to the dentist?

- Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.

- Father: Well Son, how are your exam results?

- Son: They're under water

- Father: What do you mean?

- Son: Below "C" level!

A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, 'Mum! your husband's just come home.'

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother. "Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began, "When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I know how to fuck, mother," the bride-to-be interrupted. "I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!"

After having quadruplets, the mother named them... Adolph, Rudolph, Getoff, and Stayoff.

- Mother: Let me see your report son.

- Son: Here it is, Mother, but don't show it to Dad. He's been helping me!