Random joke from this category
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"
His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
What sexual position makes an ugly baby?
→ Ask your mom!
Be nice to your kids... they will pick out your nursing home someday!
A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.
It's at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says...
"Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?"
The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks...
"When your mommy goes to the mall!"
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
"Mother, where do babies come from?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says,
"Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues,
"That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend.
"Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?"
"Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry."
An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too."
Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, "Whatcha doin' Daddy?" Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?"
A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you."
"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father's Day gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."
Mommy, mommy: can I play with grandma?
→ Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek!
Mommy, mommy: I hate daddy's guts.
→ Shut up kid and keep eating.
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
