Random joke from this category
Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"
"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!"
"Really?"
"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"
The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."
A little kid comes running into the backyard.
He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"
"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."
- Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
- Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
- Mother: What does the cow say?
- Child: Moo!
- Mother: Great! What does the cat say?
- Child: Meow.
- Mother: Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said, "Please give me a prescription for the Pill."
- I don't think you need the Pill at your age.
- It relaxes me.
- But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing.
"I know," said Mrs. Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed."
What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby?
→ Ask your parents.
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY... Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Janey Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."
