Medicine — most viewed jokes

- Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.

- Amazing! So you have.

- How could that have happened?

- I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage!

How many Passive Aggressive P.D. does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Oops. I can't believe I broke the last one. I guess you'll have to sit in the dark.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
→ When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"

Why did the monster go into hospital?
→ To have his ghoul-stones removed.

One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Check three friends. If they're OK, then it's you.

- Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish

- Poor sole!

- Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible.

- Yes I can see you're not all there!

- Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?

- Sell!