Medicine — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly

- Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!

For years 'n years they told me,
"Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests."

So I heeded all their warnings
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
An always wore a bra.

After thirty years of careful care,
The doctor found a lump,
He ordered up a Mammogram
To look inside that clump.

"Stand up very close," she said,
As she got my tit in line,
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah, yes! There! That's just fine."

She stepped upon a pedal. . .
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate was pressing down.
My boob was in a vise!!!

My skin was stretched 'n stretched
From way up by my chin,
And my poor tit was being squeezed
To Swedish pancake thin!!!

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within its vise-like grip,
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me
Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is smashed in her machine,
I can't breathe and woozy I am getting.

"There, that was good," I heard her say
As the room was slowly swaying.
"Now let's get the other one."
"Lord, have mercy," I was praying.

It squeezed me from the up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides,
I'll bet she's never had this done
To her tender little hide!

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now. . .
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have popped, Ker-pow!!

This machine was made by a man,
Of this I have no doubt.
I'd like to get his balls in there,
For months, he'd go "without"!!

- Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?

- Of course, come back tomorrow!

- Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.

- That's baaaaaaaaaad!

- Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!

- Stick your foot out and trip it up!

An anesthesiologist is a doctor who works in the operating room to delay your pain until such time as you get his bill.

What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm?
→ One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but it takes nine visits.

What kind of fish will help you hear better?
→ A herring aid!

What do you call a pig with the flu?
→ A swine swine.