Medicine — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!

- Certainly, which way did you come in?

While critiquing a survey instrument intended for mothers of infants less than one year old, I came across the following question:

Have you ever breast fed your baby?
a) Yes...
b) No...
c) Don't know

"Don't know"? Huh?

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
→ Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."

"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."

A man hasn't been feling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

- I'm afraid I have some very bad news. You're dying, and you don't have much time left.

- Oh, that's terrible! How long have I got?

- Ten.

- Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!

- Nine...

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

Tyfus applied for a job in a factory.

The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked, "Have your eyes ever been checked?"

"No," said the worker.
"They've always been brown."

A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, "Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he's gagging and thrashing about."

"I'll be right over," the doctor said. "In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there."

When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of smoked herring over her husband's mouth.

"Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not herring, to lure the mouse."

"I know, doc," she replied, "but first I've got to get the darn cat out of him!"