Random joke from this category
An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few "squalls" received a humble lecture from their priest regarding their disgraceful quarrels.
"Why, that dog and cat you have agree better than you."
"If yer reverence'll tie them together, ye'll soon change yer mind."
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith. "I knew I could count on you!"
Things Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room
If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings!
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.
With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
- No, I can't marry anyone after you.
- But I want you to.
- But why?
- Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. He then rushed off.
At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time to get yourself to the hospital!"
There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby.
The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive.
The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine there was much yelling and bickering.
Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!"
In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said..
"Point of information - snow and rain are also 'acts of God', but we wear rubbers!"
- I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you.
- I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin!
Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.
The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.
- So? How was it going last night? C'mon, tell me! How's your wife?
- Uhh, fine I guess, she's lying on the bed smoking.
- Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore...
