Random joke from this category
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
Things Not To Say To Your Pregnant Wife After Her Ultrasound
The newlywed couple asked the hotel desk clerk for a room and told him they just got married that morning.
"Congratulations!" said the clerk looking at the bride. "Would you like the bridal then?"
"No thanks," said the woman. "I'll just hold him by the ears until he gets the hang of it!"
- Why Steve, you're so depressed today, what's the matter?
- Ah, well, I have had a quarrel with my mother-in-law. She swore to me she wouldn't talk to me for a month!!
- Then so bad about it? You should celebrate the event!!
- No, no, see...that was four weeks ago, and today is the last day...
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stops by his office.
As she walks in unannounced, she finds his secretary sitting on his lap.
Without hesitating, he begins to dictate a letter... "And in conclusion gentlemen, budget cut or not, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
- I heard the Warden's daughter up and married a guy down on Cellblock D. The Warden's mighty upset about it too.
- Why? Because she married a con?
- No. Because they eloped!
Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn't it wonderful that they're not going to bother us anymore?"
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
→ She knows she's given her last blow job.
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor."
"Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."
"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
→ Because he thought his wife was a flake.
