Kids Jokes — most viewed jokes

Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read:

- The 10 Most Wanted.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

- Yes, - said the policeman, - the detectives want him very badly.

So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt:

- Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?

- Mrs Brown: Who was that at the door?

- Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy.

- Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
→ To get to the other slide!

What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF?
→ A watchdog!

Why do male deer need braces?
→ Because they have "buck teeth!"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Crock and Dial

- Crock and Dial who?

- Crock and Dial Dundee!

- First boy: My dad saw a horrible witch and didn't turn a hair!

- Second boy: I'm not surprised - your dad's bald!

Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says:

- Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter.

The entire class says:

- Hello Mrs. Prussy.

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.

Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher:

- I remember it has an "r" after the first letter.

- That's right! - she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says:

- Mrs. Crunt?

- My new baby is the image of his father.

- Never mind. just so long as he's healthy.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked:

- What's so funny Bobby?

- Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.

- Get out of my classroom - she yells.

- I don't want to see you for three days!

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks:

- What's so funny Billy?

- Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.

Again she yells:

- Get out of my classroom!

This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him:

- I don't want to see you for three weeks!

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

- And where do you think you are going? - she asks.

- Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!